My dad passed away three nights ago. It was something I have been expecting, so in a way it was a relief to hear it. On another level, I feel quite hollow inside. Like something is now missing from me. A part of me is somehow lost. I am sure I will get that part of me back but for now, it is like a massive wound that I am aching from every day.
All day yesterday and today I have been in a complete state of daze. Not really here. I keep hearing songs in my head. Songs that remind me of my dad. Songs that we used to sing or songs that my sister and I dedicated to him. Music has always been that comfort to me.
When I was growing up, I used to play guitar. I would sing songs and play guitar every day for several years and it always gave me great comfort. Someone told me that music is a reflection of our soul and heals us by allowing us to express our deepest emotions. I never believed that to the extent that I do at this very moment. I always wondered how it was that there seems to be so many famous women singing about heartache and loss. This is their healing. By singing that song, reflecting their emotions in their song, they allow that emotion to be released. It comes out, with every repetition of the words and the song they have created. The more they feel the song and the words, the better that song becomes.
I picked up my guitar for the first time in several years last night. The strings were broken and I first had to replace those before I could actually sit and play. I started playing “Somewhere”. If you don’t know the lyrics, here is the song for you on YouTube. It is sad but it somehow fits with how I feel at the moment. My sister and I actually sang this song together and recorded it while I was in South Africa.
The more often I sing the song, the more comfort it seems to give me. It is as if everything I am feeling is expressed in that song and it allows me to release the emotion of it all.
Music is incredibly powerful in influencing our moods. I have always found this. Notice how your mood lifts when you listen to positive music, music that makes you feel like dancing, music that makes you feel calm or music that is somehow consoling.
I hope you have found the joy and the release of emotions in music as I have found the last few days.
May the music soothe my soul and allow my inner self to heal. I know there is a place in my heart for my dad that will always be there. A place for us. Somewhere….