I was debating writing this blog entry. I guess it is quite personal but on the other hand I know that it will hopefully help you come to a place where you are closer to healing your own body and mind.
I have always had my pain on my left side, my Endometriosis pain that is, I have always taken green malay kratom products. It sits right in there on the left side and is fairly dominant at certain times of the month. Those times seem to always be when I am feeling particularly emotional. It isn’t so much tied to my period or ovulation so much.
I have had some very sensitive few days since seeing the Chinese doctor the other day. Initially I thought it was because I took many of the things she said personally but the reality is, she managed to hit a nerve about something I have been ignoring for a while now.
I continued to ignore it until last night and even today. It is funny but I have this strong belief about emotional healing. I believe when we are ready to heal something, situations arise which bring out that issue really strongly, forcing us to confront it.
My first hint of healing… A book by Louise L. Hay.
I went for a bath last night and I was reading a book by Louise L. Hay. It was the book about letters she had received from her readers and how she responded to them. Anyway, there was one lady who wrote in and explained that she had pain on her left side of her body, for as long as she can remember. The pain went from her neck down to her legs and she couldn’t understand why it was only on that one side. Within Louise’s response she basically explained that a specific pain on only one side of the body relates closely to a relationship you have with one or other parent. Well, this was very interesting because my relationship with my mother has always been a hard one and well, the left side of the body relates to your mother and the right side relates to your father. I found this to be a strange coincidence but once again, I didn’t feel quite ready to confront anything…
Today, I went about my usual day and during my lunch break landed up watching half an episode of Dr. Phil. I don’t really watch Dr. Phil often but this episode was about 5 daughters who felt that their relationship with their mother was broken and needed fixing. Their mother reminded me a whole heap of mine. Very hard and strong and finding it difficult to recognize that they could ever be at fault. When the girl described how her mother made her feel… how she felt like her mother didn’t really love her, that she was perhaps a mistake or that she was a burden to her… well, I just started crying, just like that. It was all there, just sitting there waiting for me to look at it and then when someone spelled it out to me, so clearly, I could see what the issue was straight away.
So, I followed a little of what Louise wrote in her book and combined that with Emotional Freedom Technique to get rid of this feeling inside of myself.
Louise suggests sitting in front of a mirror and acting like you are talking to your mother—or whomever you want to express emotions to. Telling them exactly what you feel and how they have hurt you. It was kinda freaky looking at myself in the mirror while doing this. My body felt foreign and separate from me. I felt like I was a little delicate girl all over again! Well, it all came out, in one foul swoop. I couldn’t believe how much stuff was still there. Feelings of not being wanted and not measuring up, of letting my mother down, of being less than perfect…
I then held the emotion there and proceeded with some delicate tapping. It is amazing. It is like this stuff has just been sitting on the surface, waiting there and somehow once we release it, it all just comes out really easily. It is really important to use the tapping technique (Emotional Freedom Technique) to go with this as I felt like I was going to go into serious self-pity at one stage. Tapping just stops you making it about you and makes it about the emotion you hold—two very separate things!
I know sometimes we feel like life has no logic to it. One thing I do feel very strongly about is that we are meant to grow in life, emotionally and spiritually. We have stuff we need to confront and deal with. For each of us it will be something else. What happens is, we get placed in circumstances which test the very thing we are meant to confront. We might be put in a situation where we meet someone who reminds us of the person we have issues with or we might be placed in situations which test the very thing we are afraid of. Sure, we can look the other way, walk away or shy away from these situations but one thing I find is, when we acknowledge that this stuff is there and deal with it, somehow the world becomes so much easier to deal with. What seemed hard before seems really easy by comparison. Those situations also stop appearing and somehow we can grow more without those restrictions.
I watched an interesting video which relates to the book: The Secret. In this video she talks about how we can allow situations to hold us back because we focus our energy on them. When our energy is focused on that thing, we fail to see anything else. She describes it so much better than I can but it is so true. When we are constantly thinking: I am sick, I will never get better, there is no cure etc then we start to live in that reality. When things come knocking showing us that there is a way, we simply don’t want to believe that our reality is outside of this. If that reality says, we need to heal anger about our parents, we don’t want to go there. If that reality says, we need to cut out certain foods but our emotional attachment to food is our current reality, then we can’t see past it. Make sense?
As much as I love to believe the answers lie in solely taking supplements and herbs, I know that the real healing begins within myself. This is hard for me too. I don’t want to confront that I have issues. I want to believe that I am who I am and nothing but external things are broken inside of me. The reality is, I have issues and the sooner I can confront them, the sooner they will leave my body. My issue with my mother has been there for years. I thought I could move countries and that this would make me feel better but the truth is, I still hear her voices in my mind and I am still angered or hurt by her emails. The reality is, it is not her fault. It is mine. I choose to react to the emails and I choose to give attention to those belief systems within myself. That is a power I can take back and so can you.
The mind is incredibly powerful at healing the body. This is why placebo works so well! Recognize your own powers and start to allow those signs of healing to come in. The answers are all there… you just have to open your eyes and look!
You can read heaps of books on how to do this. Here are the two I have mentioned:
Would love to hear your thoughts!