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Does Having Control Make You Feel Better?

There is something deeply empowering about deciding to heal yourself. You can learn about the body and how it works and you can figure out all these amazing mechanisms and how extraordinary our bodies really are. You make the connections with vitamins and minerals and what they do in the body and then we delve into how to find these very neat little ingredients which we suspect our bodies are lacking. We eat for nutrition and we feel better and so we continue, and the excitement of it all is empowering and incredibly interesting.

We dig deeper and the deeper and the more we dig, the more we discover about what our bodies need to function and the more we seek out foods to help our body heal. We try supplement “foods” and super foods (because they have heaps of nutritional power) and teas, tinctures and any form of “food” or nutrient source we can get. There is power in that. There is power in feeling like we can control what is going on in our bodies.

Perhaps there is a nasty twist to all this though…

When I had my wedding, I let it all go. I didn’t fuss that much about packing my supplements and though I followed my diet to some degree, I also splurged out and had chocolate and ice-cream and even some bread! (Oh my!) I just let myself be. I didn’t want to be “good” or stress about how my body was doing and whether I was deferring from my healing journey. I just wanted to be happy and enjoy myself for that week, even if that meant a little discomfort on the toilet the next morning. I think with the wonderful experience of it all, my body seemed to cope with these things much better than it normally would.

But here’s the thing. Since coming back, I have felt like I need to take back the reins and get back on my horse and yes… take control again. Get everything back to normal and be diligent and stick to things. Being in control gives me a sense of ironic calm. I feel like as long as I have a strategy and a plan for my healing that everything is going to be okay. When I thought about my miscarriage, I instantly thought of several things I could do to ensure it didn’t happen again. A long list of detoxing and methods which I hadn’t explored yet. I was making myself feel better by taking control of my health and my body and implementing a strategy to get me there.

In a way, perhaps this is not a bad thing. Perhaps it gives me hope because there are things I think of, which I haven’t tried and that I can explore further. I don’t just sit in one space and wait for a miracle to happen and bless me with a child. I take action and I do stuff to make things happen!

Here’s the conundrum. Is the need for control causing me stress? It was so nice in a way to just eat anything that I felt like and not think too much, “Oh, does this have gluten in it?” Is this constant need to pull in the reins creating stress in strange ways, like social situations and “fitting in” and having to shop and prepare foods differently?

Is it making me more focused and strategic? Do you find making a strategy for your healing and following a plan helps you? Do you think sometimes that it actually makes you more stressed out?

Hugs, Melissa x
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This Post Has 16 Comments

  1. Melissa

    Hi Julia,
    Perhaps it just requires a reframing of how you view foods? What about viewing your food as a delicious nourishing energy source for your body? That way, the vegies and fruits will be much more appealing. It also helps to get recipe inspirations to make these more interesting 😉

  2. Julia

    Perfect to read after a miserable shop, I hate seeing all the food I used to love but now can’t have. Cheese is my weakness, I ended up buying some as I figured this is a journey to health not to misery! Thank you for your honesty.

  3. Lisa

    Beautifully said. A much needed reminder after a day like today. Thank you, Melissa <3

  4. Heather

    I really enjoyed what you wrote. I am so often so hard on myself. I have been working so diligently w/ diet, supplements, exercise, and also lots of prayer and positive self-talk!!!

    Over the last few days I’ve been having discomfort/pains in a way that Is different from what I am used to w/ endo and bladder inflammation. I get SO scared because it’s “different” and I start to panic and think, “Oh, no, please no more surgery!” “What can I be doing differently?” etc…

    Reading your post just made me think about balance and realizing that healing is a process and we are going to have bad moments but not to panic. To keep the faith in our selves and our bodies, making choices that are right for us, moment by moment as you said.

    Thank you Sarai!!!

    Sincerely,

    Heather 🙂

  5. Melissa

    Love this! Thank you for sharing 🙂 I wanna let my hair down too on occasion and not feel guilty for doing so 🙂

  6. Melissa

    Pleasure Lorraine. It is incredibly powerful how our thoughts play a part in all of this.

  7. Lorraine

    Im relieved to have read this. I have in hindsight totally stressed myself out trying to “eat right” and “drink right” and work exercise into my daily chaotic life. I was consumed with solving my Endometriosis and trying to get pregnant, cutting out everything I loved and improving my diet and exercise. I currently feel worse than ever. I now have a 3 week long period (never experienced before) and bleed every time intimate with my partner. I have blood tests and swabs coming up but my GP seems totally blaze about it all…. Maybe I have actually just stressed myself out with control issues and unnecessary stress.

    I will try to relax a little more and have faith in my body. Without obsession!

    Thank you for the wake up call!

  8. Anonymous

    I think it’s important to recognise that human beings do not have the quality to be 100 % perfect, in control and risk adverse.

    At some point in our lives we may slip up, fail at something we do, or something may fail around us.

    If our expectations are balanced and we can strive to do things well for the majority of the time then the times that things don’t go so well will be less likely to produce stress or cause us to decidedly throw the towel in.

    So my ethos is I can try my very best to nurture my body but on occasions it is ok to have a proportion of time where I can let my hair down without feeling guilty about it. If things go wrong… It is ok!

  9. Melissa

    Thank you Sarai for your wonderful comment. It is true about what you say, it is a balance and there are moments where we just have to go with the flow of a situation. To me it is not about being “strict” but rather about simply choosing the best possible options of what to give my body each moment 🙂

  10. Melissa

    Glad it resonated with you hun 🙂

  11. Christine

    thank for you sharing this. It left an impact on me, as I have some of the same beliefs and I’m at a similar place in my own journey.

  12. Sarai

    Yes I can understand, Melissa, what you are saying. I think, as with most things, that is is about balance more than anything; finding that space where you have control and also relinquishing it to some degree. I think that making plans but leaving room for flexibility and the unexpected is a good thing. Being too hard on yourself to do all the “right” things all the time may cause stress and anxiety and be counter-productive, sending stress hormones into your body and upsetting your digestion. At the same time, going all out and eating whatever whenever and not at all thinking about healthy choices will also be bad for your body. So again, where is the balance?

    For instance, my aunt was visiting recently from Texas. She loves to eat pastries, heavy foods, pastas, steaks, etc. and not much green. While she was here, I enjoyed some goodies with her but at the same time I had my own meals with the veggies etc. my body craved.I didn’t stress over it, I enjoyed sharing delicious foods with her and also enjoyed practicing moderation (best i could!) and listening to my body. If I wanted lasagna, because my aunt made it homemade, I enjoyed not only the flavors of the meal itself, but felt nourished by the love that went into making it. Simultaneously, if I craved a smoothie, I enjoyed honoring my body’s call for fresh and whole foods.I guess it is a bit of an inner dance, a dialogue with not just my body, but also mind and soul.

    I know that you have written about being super strict, esp. about gluten and sugar. I may be weak willed and need to work on my discipline, as I still have pelvic pain from the endo (recently had another surgery and still healing from it) and haven’t made the leap into 100% gluten free. However, I am much better than I was when this all began 3 years ago. I don’t know if the process would be faster if I changed my diet drastically, but I know by increasing my fresh and organic food intake and making healthier choices all around, including herbal and vitamin supplementation, acupuncture, yoga, and prayer, I am healing slowly but surely. I enjoy eating and foods and enjoy the social aspect of sharing meals and do not want to be drastic in either direction- I don’t want to be in the all-or-nothing swinging pendulum. I would rather be in the middle, balanced and making choices moment by moment.

    I don’t know if that is articulated well and of course, I am learnning and growing daily and this is just my two cents worth today 🙂

    I learn a lot from you and appreciate your blogs and sharing and also all the great information you disperse. Congrats on the wedding and best wishes!!!!

    Sincerely,

    Sarai

  13. Melissa

    Sorry to hear that Christine. I would try and flush out the excess hormones from the hormonal treatments as quickly as possible with DIM or do a cleanse to help your liver flush them out 🙂 It does get easier sweets.

  14. Christine

    It’s funny that you should mention this. Because I was feeling the same way. I’ve been following your blog and playing Dr Google 🙂 I finally felt it was time to dive straight into natural healing through nutrition. My first period w no prescription hormonal treatment was torture! I have that in the back of my mind and am hoping my next one while eating more favorably for controlling my symptoms will be easier! 🙂

  15. Allannah

    I love this blog Mel, so honest. Yep I think we can all go a little too far sometimes and turn life into a misery rather than a pleasure. On the other hand, i think it helps the human spirit when we can see we are effecting some change. Its all about self-discovery isn’t it? namaste

  16. Aubree

    I am with you on this one and admittedly have control issues too. I think the problem is that endo is out of our control so with diet and detoxing we feel like we have more control over it.

    I listened to a great talk recently by Jennifer Louden (author of the Life Organizer) and she talked about finding stables in your life for self care — whether it be good food, yoga, quiet time by yourself, etc. When things get overwhelming it’s important to re-evaluate and see if these stables are in place to make us feel whole and happy 🙂

    Perhaps you were just missing these stables (even though you let go and had some fun) Worrying too much is bad, but I think having these stables is good.

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