For a long time I used to hide behind my Endometriosis. It was the reason I hadn’t achieved what I wanted in life. It was the reason I didn’t own a business yet or the reason why my career was halted. It was the reason I couldn’t do things like climb mountains or take up biking or hectic exercise. I used to blame my excess weight, my basic life choices all on Endometriosis. It included everything from not having money, to why I didn’t have a partner in my life.
I honestly believed my reasons for this were obvious and logical. Endometriosis is after all aggravated by stress and having a stressful or be it, successful career was definitely going to be stressful. I believed no man would want to be with me, as I probably couldn’t have children and most nice men wanted to children! I became accustomed to believing that my life would just need to be “simple and uncomplicated”. I should simply accept that my life was just never going to be anymore than what most people considered “living to ones basic needs”.
I would also use Endometriosis whenever I was confronted with a situation I didn’t like. When I was scared to face up to something, suddenly I would be sore and I could avoid the situation. When I would be in a work situation I didn’t like or I had to push myself in some way, creating some element of fear in me, I would use Endo to get out of it. “No, I can’t take on that more stressful job offer as it would impact on my pain with Endo”. I will just stay here, in the comfortable situation and not get worse with Endo. It became quite useful. I could blame everything on Endometriosis. It became my scapegoat for absolutely everything.
Everything became Endo’s fault and guess what? It made me so angry. Angry at life, angry at my body and angry with everything that surrounded me.
See, thing is we all want to achieve things in our lives. We all strive for things and those things do create some element of fear in all of us. We can be scared to do something and push ourselves that little bit more and if we can find an “out” then we will. In our case we can use Endo and because it is so largely misunderstood by everyone around us, we get away with it. The trouble is, we start to believe that Endo is the reason for our life situation. We start to believe that it is all endo’s fault we don’t have what we want or can fulfil the dreams that we really deserve. I know because I did exactly this for years. I never thought I could have anything in my life because of Endo. I mean anything: a husband, a career, money, a house, a baby, friends, being thin.
I started reading this book yesterday which has really got me thinking about our life choices. It is called “Fear the Fear and Do it Anyway” It really became apparent to me that there are a long list of emotions which actually place me in the category of fear to do more with my life. I have felt almost all of these at some point in my life: Lost, anger, blaming others, self-pity, helplessness, lack of focus, impatience, disappointment, envy, constant state of limbo.
What I have realised over the years is that yes, it is true Endometriosis does impact on our lives dramatically. This is totally fair and I won’t proclaim that it doesn’t. What it doesn’t do is make you decide on what you are going to do outside of Endometriosis. Having a life partner doesn’t have to be a hard thing to achieve. You can find someone loving and caring who will be there for you even when you have Endometriosis.
You can have a thinner figure because what you choose to eat is still within your power. You can make decisive decisions which allow you to achieve your goals, you just need to choose goals which are true to yourself so they don’t create stress within your body. What does that mean?
When I first starting working, way back when…. I took on jobs which were perhaps what I would call “status jobs”. They looked good on paper and were impressive to others around me. They made me look like I was a “success” and gave me that “ego boost”. Thing is, they didn’t fulfil me. There is a massive difference. When you choose a job role that actually matches your true inner values, your stress levels will be reduced dramatically as your motives will be different. You are not striving for an title, money or to impress the boss. The goals become something outside of self. They become bigger than just patting your own ego. See what I mean? Only you can find your true inner values and find ways to make money from those but when you do, you will feel joy and fulfilment from what you do and there won’t be half as much stress from them as you will love it and feel energy from it.
So, yes we can blame everything on Endo but what is that ultimately going to achieve? What you really need to do is find your true passion and align yourself to those and you will find a higher power to your life. Your healing will be something you need to achieve those greater goals, rather than a reason for not achieving anything.
You do have a choice. You always do. You have a choice on whether you are going to “play victim” or whether you are going to do something to heal yourself, today, right now! You have the power to make those choices and though you can sit there and blame everything around you, including Endometriosis, you still need to carry on and find a way forward. That forward can be just getting through the day or it can be a real distinctive change by changing your diet, your exercise regiment and healing your emotional pains. That power is still within you.
Be fair on yourself and really be honest with your choices. Have you really given your body the best opportunity to heal? Have your really done everything within your power to do that?
Start researching more. Find real answers. Keep searching and reading and you will find incredible healing methods which exist! It is possible and you can achieve it….. even if your fear might stop you from believing 🙂
“Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness and prosperity to everyone you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Forget the mistakes of the past, and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry, and too noble for anger.”
The truth is, the longer you hold onto the indirect benefits of having Endometriosis, the longer you will also have the condition. Your mind is ever powerful. Allow yourself to believe you can be Endo free! 🙂