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Are You a Timeous Perfectionist?

Do you constantly think about how you are going to complete a job as quickly and as perfectly at the same time? Do you stress and get annoyed when others don’t? How about traffic? Do you find yourself cursing about people driving badly and slowly all at the same time?

I did a course about timeous perfectionism, which psychologists believe is inherent in endometriosis sufferers. They say we naturally want everything to be perfect but that we have the added stress of wanting things to be done as quickly as possible as well. It doesn’t usually work. Usually you will either not present it perfectly as you are rushing through it OR you will get it done perfectly but you will have it delayed in time. It is a double-edged sword.

Perhaps the real question is why we feel we need to be so perfect and quick.

Having done this course when I was in my early 20s, I decided I would try and not put myself in a position of needing to complete jobs quickly. I even tried to not worry as much about things being perfect all the time! Well, that didn’t work as it appeared that the more I “just let things go”, the worse I felt for not doing things properly. Then I focused on just slowing down. I threw away my watch and lost the constant focus on time. This definitely seemed to take the time pressure off things. However, I was still getting really stressed about doing things perfectly. What I realized was the stress of this trait was a type A personality trait and that most people who did well in life had these traits. I potentially didn’t want to lose them just because these psychologists had claimed it was my reason for having level 4 endometriosis. I decided the best way was to learn to deal with the stress that my perfectionism caused and to expel the thoughts of always needing to do more, faster and better. A deeper acceptance of myself and recognizing my true abilities as a whole rather than on each job that I did.

It wasn’t just about doing things slower or less perfectly but it was accepting that I couldn’t do things perfectly all of the time. Giving myself the right to fail on occasion.

Stress is often mental. We can choose whether or not a situation stresses us out. Do you create stress on your body for wanting to do things super perfect or super quick, to impress or out-rank someone at work?

Do you share this supposed endometriosis trait? What are your thoughts on it?

 

Hugs, Melissa x
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This Post Has 7 Comments

  1. Julia

    I can see this perfectionism in me. I can see that I always demand more from myself and from others, too. But what is worst is that I’m constantly giving myself a hard time if I fail to do something right. Often I interpret my disease as a kind of punishment, because I’m not good enough. This is a vicious circle. I can see that now that I’m being too hard to myself. Learning about my endo has led me to understand why I act or feel this way. I’m trying to accept and respect my actions and feelings, I can’t just get rid of them in an instant, because they’ve been a part of me for so long now. I can only take small steps and try to treat myself better even if perfectionism has grabbed me again or if things didn’t work out as I had planned them.
    Thank you very much for this website!

  2. Amber

    My family jokes that I have OCD because I get so crazy about everything being “perfect” and in its place. I impose so many time deadlines and pressures on myself that aren’t really necessary, always have. I never really considered that it’s just another nasty side of endo!

  3. Adina HC

    certainly, I have the perfectionism bug! 😀 … ever since my mom died of ovarian cancer, the whole approach to life for me has changed, so I did slow down my pace dramatically and still sometimes feel bad about not having things done perfectly and in short periods of time. Very interesting how our thoughts and emotions have a place in this condition…
    Kind regards,

  4. Melissa

    Hi Annabelle!

    I noticed that much of my stress levels come from an emotional stem. It is like a trigger and then I get more stressed. Like if someone says I didn't do something well, it makes me work extra hard to make sure I don't get that again….The tricky thing is recognising the trigger!

  5. Annabelle

    Well this is all new to me. I had never looked at myself that way but at the same time it sounds a lot like me…
    I do tell myself to take a “chill pill” sometime! Especially when I get so annoyed by what seems to be really stupid things! I’m going to have to watch myself a little closer and see if I can recognize these traits in me more specifically!
    I rarely seem stressed on the outside to others, Annabelle is always so calm and laid back! But it’s a different story on the inside! And most the time only I know that, but don’t always know why. So maybe it is part of the answer?

  6. Melissa

    Hi Gwenn,
    I hope you have recovered since your surgery and have taken a different stance on life and making sure you take things easier. I find just meditating and taking deep breaths is a great way to start. Forcing yourself to sit down for even 10minutes ensuring you think of nothing but your breathing will allow you to really realise how worked up you were for the day. Just becoming aware of how the stress affects you, will already empower you to slow down and watch your thinking patterns.
    Large cysts, fibroids and all the other "womans conditions" are very much related to Endometriosis. I would highly recommend chinese medicine and homeopathy to make sure it doesn't come back. The Traditional Chinese Medicine will deal with the condition and the Homeopathy will deal with the hormones and thoughts.
    Let me know how you go!

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