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Are you a giving person or do you protect yourself first and foremost?

You know I enjoy giving. I do it through this blog most days and through many other avenues in my life. Not because it is a job or I get money for it or any other reason…. but simply for the motivation to help women with Endometriosis.. I love giving and I feel such a sense of love and fulfilment when I can help someone, even in the smallest way. It brings tears to my eyes when I can help women with Endometriosis and especially when what I suggest dramatically changes their life. What more fulfillment in life can you get?

Unfortunately, it seems not everyone has this view of the world and though I always dismissed people like this before, I finally understand why. See, I gave to someone recently. I gave a fair bit of my time and my personal love and it backfired. They threw my love and care back in my face and though I only had their best interests at heart, somehow they didn’t seem to see that. It really hurts because my intentions are always in the right place. πŸ™

I have actually had this feeling a few times in my life and I am starting to question whether it is my approach that is wrong. It is sort of like when I first started this blog. I was all revved up about teaching women about the natural ways of healing for Endometriosis and became quite adamant that everyone should just change, do it now….. ALL other treatments were bad! Lets just say, the result was less than favourable and I had quite abit of backlash from heaps of women in forums. I have since taken a different stance on my blog and really only target or help women that really want to hear about it – even though I know what I share could help so many more women – unfortunately not everyone is open or ready to listen.

The point I was trying to make about all this, is that I finally understand why others don’t give as freely. It really hurts when others don’t take in what you give! It is actually quite brave to give. You are giving of your heart and your love and it is easy for others to turn that around or reject that. I know why not everyone does. It is actually much easier to be a “taker”. Take when love is given and take from others, rather than giving. It is a good way to protect yourself from your love and giving being rejected. I get it now.

I can also understand why people who enjoy giving and who get that massive fulfillment from the joy they see in others, seek this fulfillment in places like countries in Africa or third world countries needing aid. The fulfillment one would get from just providing a young child with a drink of freshwater would be massive! It is actually quite a small give – well from our point of view – but it is massive…. life-changing to the little kid. Massive reward.

I have had occasions where I had quite an aggressive comment from a reader about an article I wrote and I approach them personally offering some heartfelt advice on how they could feel better. It always made me really nervous to give on this level because I worried the girl I was writing to, might just fire back how ridiculous that advice might be. Often times though they have turned into some really good friends online and they really valued how much love I was really giving.

I know there is a risk in giving but to me the reward far out ways the love I get back from so many of you!

 

Do you give easily? Do you fear the rejection of sharing and giving to others? Do you feel rejected or used when you give too much?

I would love to hear your views on giving and any advice you can give to make it a little easier for me to give πŸ™‚

 

Hugs, Melissa x
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This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Melissa

    Please Sangeeta. Glad you are feeling better πŸ™‚ Explore the Ayurvedic medicine! There is so much wisdom in it!

  2. Sangeeta vicky Neerunjun

    Thanks Melissa, your blog is the only way I get relieve and support from my endo. It is very rich in information. I really appreciated that. Keep it up!

  3. Melissa

    Thanks for sharing Lana. Those sound like the perfect things for me to read! Thanks for the support and lovely to hear πŸ™‚

  4. lana

    Thanks Melissa. Your website has really inspired me and encouraged me further to respect myself and to believe in myself. I always thought it was better to look towards a natural alternative to western medicine and prescription medication, as i have not had much luck or support with that approach. Here is a great website to read through for all endo sufferers and women just as a little ray of sunshine and positivity; Bodyhttp://blondepoet.hubpages.com/hub/A-Womans-Guide-To-Finding-Self-Esteem

    My mum sent it to me the other day just after i got your reply and it made me smile. The other thing ive been wanting to mention to you is a book that is really really good and educational, written by a female gynaecologist who actually supports natural and emotional healing as a way to approach all female reproductive disorders. I think you would like it. It is called WOMENS BODIES WOMENS WISDOM The complete guide to creating physical and emotional health and healing by Dr Christiane Northrup.

    Thanks again for your support, i love how personal and rich in information this website is, its powerful for healing.

    Lana

  5. Melissa

    Thanks for sharing so much personal stuff with us πŸ™‚ It is wonderful and I can relate on so many levels. I also gave heaps in past relationships and almost lost myself in the process. I started to believe for a long time that I just wasn’t enough and so I had to make up for things with giving more.
    I am so sorry you are not able to continue your massage work, which helps you and others so much. I hope you find a compromise where you can still continue until you find a way to heal your endo.
    I definitely believe endo is teaching us something. Love as much as you can, give as much as you can but always remember to look after yourself in the process πŸ™‚
    Big hugs
    Mel

  6. lana

    Hello Melissa,

    I can relate to this blog. I have always felt a deep sense of happiness and wholeness when i give to others. To Family, partners and friends, to work commitments, to my pets. I have always enjoyed giving more than receiving as i always felt some sort of guilt associated with receiving, almost like mistaking it for taking. I think this has something to do with not feeling a good and strong sense of self, and self love. In my experience with past romantic partners i always gave a lot because i thought i would be with that person forever. And then having it turn around and getting trodded over or betrayed. I have grown a lot over the last few years with my journey of endometriosis. I was in my first serious relationship when i had my laparoscopy and diagnosis of endo, and my partner tried very hard to support me but he never understood how it felt and therefore judged me harshly towards the end of the relationship. I realise i was giving a lot to him, but looking back, not so much to myself. After this experience i got into another relationship where i was giving and making a lot of effort without realising the man was not as compromising as me in the relationship. I also started to work at a day spa doing a lot of massage and strenuous body work. It can be very draining work at the Spa; nurturing, caring, nourishing and healing peoples bodies and wellbeing. But that is what i love doing. Clients walk out feeling wonderful but sometimes i am left thinking i wish someone would perform this treatment on me. It has tought me a lot about myself. I guess life is one big journey and we learn things along the way. I still am at this job and feel stuck there, i have just today arranged to talk to my boss about how much this job is affecting my health. I dont feel like i am receiving much. i have enjoying giving so far and never thought twice about it, but having endo, with its normal state of inflamation and pain present constantly, not to mention fatigue, i realise just how hard it has been on me to keep pushing myself at work and in my relationships. Sometimes i wake up and look in the mirror and dont recognise myself, i forget there was a girl there before there was Endometriosis and chronic pain.

    I think we forget how precious and wonderful we all are. nobody is perfect, and everyone is going through something, endo is just one thing amongst the billion other illnesses, diseases and problems. It is here to teach us something. The way we treat people should be equal, keeping in mind everyone has their own opinion and deserves to be heard. What i have found from my own experience with people is that we are quick to judge, but not as quick to listen.

    And being women, we really need to feel heard, listened to and supported, whether by a partner, a family member or friend. It is a need for me, and i have learnt this through all the emotional and physical pain over the last 5 years of my life out of home and being in my early adult years. It has prepared me for what is next, i feel better prepared to handle things (after being called weak in my hardest days by peple i loved and looked up to the most). It almost brings tears to my eyes but i look forward to the future, i look forward to receiving, because i believe all that we give does eventually come back to us one way or another. Sorry to make it so long!

    All the best to all the girls and yourself Mel
    Lana

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